As we all know politicians are full of crap. The ones that aren't full of crap don't get elected. The following is a list of current political translations.
1) Now is not the time to raise taxes.
Translation: Never is the time to raise taxes. The last idiot in a presidential election that said that he wanted to raise taxes was Walter Mondale. Yeah, he lost 49 out of 50 states.
2) The American people have spoken.
Translation: We just had a mid-term election and as usual turn-out was low. Less than 91 million people voted and of that 91 million about 48 million voted Republican. In a country of our size that means that about 1 in 7 people supported us and our platform. We clearly have a mandate.
3) Barack Obama is the most liberal president in our nation's history.
Translation: President Obama has not raised taxes once and has actually had 25 different (mostly minor) tax cuts. Ronald Reagen raised taxes seven times in two terms, which means that by today's definition he would be considered politically somewhere to the left of a communist.
4) Yes we can!
Translation Provided by Barack Obama: Oops, I thought we could. Didn't realize that I was going to lose my filibuster proof majority in the Senate barely a year into my term. I also forgot that young people don't vote in mid-term elections , which means the Republicans will win back the House and I'll be screwed by November of 2010.
5) Change we can believe in!
Translation Provided by Barack Obama: Who doesn't like change! What a wonderful slogan. I actually wanted to be more specific but the pollsters in my campaign convinced me that the only way to get elected is to be vague. People love vague candidates! We almost went with the slogan "Happy, Fluffy Puppy Dogs" but changed our minds at the last minute. People that actually promote transformative concrete ideas have to play defense against us vague guys.
6) Obamacare is unconstitutional
Translation: We know that four "conservative justices," Scalia, Thomas, Roberts, Alito are going to vote to nullify the law. And we know that the "liberals," Ginsburg, Breyer, Kagan and Sotomayor are going to vote to uphold the law. Therefore Obamacare is unconstitutional if Anthony Kennedy says that its unconstitutional! What a democracy!
7) I don't trust the federal government to do anything right!
Translation: Well, except for pay for my Medicare, send me my Social Security checks, and pay the military to defend my country. I guess I also think that the federal court system and a few other programs are necessary. So in conclusion I don't trust about 14% of the federal government to do anything right! Take that you communists!
8) The stimulus package was a complete and utter failure.
Translation: Considering the fact that the 40% of the stimulus was tax cuts at most all I can call it is a 60% failure...but that won't get me reelected, so I'll just say the whole thing is a failure.
9) We are willing to compromise with the Democrats, but we aren't willing to allow any tax increases.
Translation: Well heck! They're not going to allow any cuts to entitlements so I guess we're stuck. There's no way we're actually going to actually solve this deficit problem. Oh well, the next generation (the ones that don't vote) are totally and completely screwed, but since they don't vote why do I care?
10) I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Mrs. Lewinsky
Translation: I hope to God that she didn't keep that blue dress!
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